As a little background, my sister, Pam (30F), persuaded our parents and a few other family members not to come to my wedding. She claimed it was inappropriate for me (27F) to get married while she was going through a divorce. When the truth wasn’t enough to turn them against me, she resorted to spreading vicious lies and rumors.

Recently, my husband and I announced on social media that I am in my second trimester of pregnancy. This was how my parents and Pam found out. After more than three years of silence, they suddenly reached out, trying to mend things. The reason? Pam is sadly struggling with infertility. Despite multiple failed IVF cycles, she is adamant about trying again and does not consider surrogacy or adoption to be viable options for her right now.

Since I am expecting, my parents thought it would be a perfect opportunity to make amends. Their goal was for Pam to spend time with a child “who is directly linked to her.” They even proposed that my child have two mothers, arguing that this would benefit me because I would receive more assistance. It became clear to me that my parents just wanted to play “happy family,” especially now that Pam couldn’t have children of her own.

During the call, I saw right through their phony politeness. I told them I would not accept their idea and that it was completely irrational to expect me to comply. Honestly, it was ridiculous they even thought I would consider letting Pam act as a mother to my future child. I told them that if they wanted to reconcile, it should be because they genuinely loved me and were sorry for how they had treated me, not because I was pregnant and they wanted to give Pam a plaything.

They took issue with that, claiming they were just offering help because they knew I would need it when the baby was born. They insisted Pam was ready to volunteer for her future niece or nephew and that their suggestion was perfectly innocent. They said I was being too harsh.

I replied that my husband and my in-laws were already providing all the assistance I required. I told them that since it was so easy for them to avoid me in the past, they should continue to do so. This is where I might have gone too far. I suggested that perhaps the reason Pam couldn’t conceive was that she was a horrible person who wouldn’t be a good mother.

After that call, my phone blew up with texts from my parents, a few family members, and of course, Pam herself. They all demanded an apology, claiming what I said was needless, unkind, and that I shouldn’t kick someone when they’re already down. The problem is, I can still vividly recall every detail leading up to my wedding, and I harbor a deep animosity toward Pam for her actions. I find it hard to feel bad about what I said.

The Wedding Sabotage

To put things in perspective, when I was planning my wedding, Pam had been married for two years. Before their marriage, she and her ex-husband had dated for three years, and she had always known about his desire to live a child-free life. It was one of the first things she mentioned to our parents after a year of dating. Even though I was in the room, they continued their chat as if I wasn’t there.

Another issue is that Pam and I have never gotten along, even as children. She was always our parents’ beloved daughter. We used to quarrel a lot when we were younger, but eventually, we just learned to ignore one another.

So, Pam knew she wanted children in the future, even as she told our parents about her ex’s preference. They had agreed to revisit the topic after they were married, and she hoped he would have changed his mind by then. He didn’t. She tried to persuade him, but he refused to change his views, and they began fighting constantly. At family gatherings, she would often look distraught, talking about how difficult it was to be with him. In my opinion, it was her own fault for marrying a man who had made his intentions clear. It was she who thought she could make him reconsider, so she had no right to blame him. Naturally, I kept this to myself to avoid causing more drama.

A few months before my wedding, my parents informed me that Pam had moved back in with them after a heated argument with her husband. At this point, my fiancé and I had just started making deposits for our wedding after a four-year relationship. My parents told me they wanted me to postpone my wedding indefinitely. They didn’t want me to offend Pam by getting married while she was getting divorced. They argued that Pam was already having a difficult time because her plans to have a baby were on hold, and I should postpone my wedding to spare her feelings.

It was the most ridiculous and inconsiderate thing they had ever asked of me. I told them, of course, that I would not delay my wedding for Pam. Whether she liked it or not, I was getting married. Since we were never close, I didn’t care what she thought.

My choice did not sit well with my parents. They were furious that I wasn’t willing to put their “beloved daughter’s” feelings ahead of my own wedding. They warned me that if I didn’t postpone it, they wouldn’t come. I knew my parents had a soft spot for Pam, but I never imagined they would go to such lengths. It was incredibly upsetting, but I accepted it and told them to do as they pleased.

That should have been the end of it, but Pam wasn’t content. She didn’t like that I was getting my happy ending, so she made sure the rest of the family wouldn’t come either. At first, she just told people it was rude of me to get married during her difficult time. Most people expressed sympathy but didn’t commit to skipping my wedding. When she realized this wasn’t enough, she stepped it up.

Pam started spreading stories about me. She claimed that I was envious of her and had been persuading her husband to divorce her because I couldn’t bear the idea of her having a child before me. The allegation was ridiculous; I had never been close with her husband. She even claimed I had manipulated him, convincing him that a child-free life was the way to go and that he would be happier without her. It was all false. But she was so convincing that people started to believe her.

A couple of my supportive cousins told me what Pam was saying, so I knew why so many people were declining my wedding invitations. On my wedding day, the attendance from my side of the family was dreadfully poor. Fortunately, my husband, friends, and in-laws made sure I had so much fun that I barely noticed the empty seats. But I have never forgiven Pam for what she did. It was vengeful and vicious. She made sure I wasn’t happy simply because she didn’t get her way—a pattern she’s had since childhood.

The Truth Comes Out

About a year after the wedding, my husband and I were out for lunch and saw Pam’s ex-husband. He approached our table, congratulated us, and apologized for not being at the wedding, explaining it was because of the situation with my sister. My husband joked, “You might as well have come, since Pam didn’t show up either.”

Her ex-husband looked genuinely perplexed. He explained that Pam had repeatedly postponed their divorce mediation sessions, claiming she was too preoccupied with getting ready for my wedding. He was stunned to learn she hadn’t even gone. We started comparing notes, and I told him about the lies she had spread. He was shocked that Pam would do such a thing and then revealed the true cause of their split.

It was a much deeper issue than a dispute over having kids. After months of arguments, her ex-husband had finally started to consider her point of view and was on the verge of changing his mind about children. The day he decided to talk to her about it, she was ecstatic. Then, in what she thought was a joke, she told him that he would have had to accept it sooner or later anyway. She confessed that she had secretly stopped taking her birth control pills without his knowledge.

He couldn’t accept this profound betrayal. She was essentially trying to trap him into a pregnancy. She tried to make it seem light-hearted, but the treachery was undeniable. After that conversation, my husband and I understood why she had behaved so erratically. She knew she was to blame for her own divorce and took her frustration out on me. My resentment for her grew even deeper. I considered telling our family the truth, but I had already cut ties with those who betrayed me and just wanted to move on.

Update 1

I appreciate all the support and comments. Most of you agree that I am not the one in the wrong. I have decided not to apologize and will continue to ignore Pam and my parents. Unsurprisingly, they are playing the victim on social media and badmouthing me to family members again. Since I don’t speak to those people anyway, it doesn’t bother me.

I did, however, speak with the family members who support me but felt my comment was too harsh. I admitted that I said it in the heat of the moment but explained that it doesn’t change the fact that Pam’s deliberate attempt to ruin my wedding was far worse. My words won’t stop her from getting pregnant, but her lies caused my own family to abandon me on my wedding day. My supportive relatives understood and have agreed to drop the issue. All I want now is a joyful and healthy pregnancy, and I hope this drama ends soon.

Update 2

For the past two weeks, my parents have been trying to turn the entire family against me, pleading with them to shun me. Their strategy hasn’t been successful with the people I care about. They escalated their attacks on social media, posting vague but pointed remarks about a “certain relative” who has always been jealous of Pam and ruined her life. Then, they outright posted the lie that I was the one who destroyed Pam’s marriage.

That was the last straw. I contacted my former brother-in-law. We are on speaking terms, so I told him what was happening and asked for his permission to share the true story publicly. He agreed.

I posted about Pam’s actions and the real reason for their divorce. The drama has exploded. Family members have been calling, texting, and emailing, asking if it’s true, demanding I take the post down, and accusing me of lying again. I haven’t responded to any of them. My parents and Pam, on the other hand, have been remarkably silent. It seems they have nothing to say in their defense. It’s disheartening that no one has apologized to me, but it’s exactly what I expected. My main objective was to expose Pam for who she is, and I believe I’ve succeeded.

Update 3

A few days after my post, Pam and my parents finally contacted me. They said they were prepared to apologize, but only if I removed the post. It seems the rest of the family had turned on them, criticizing them for portraying me as the villain when Pam was the one to blame. It’s amazing how quickly those family members went from detesting me to condemning Pam. Still, they haven’t apologized to me directly.

I replied to Pam and my parents that I would remove the post when I felt like it and that I no longer cared about their apologies. I then blocked them.

This morning, I decided to delete the post. Not for them, but for me. I don’t want my social media to be filled with drama about toxic people. I want a pleasant and healthy pregnancy journey. My husband and I are happy, and we are surrounded by friends and family who genuinely care about us. That’s all I need. I hope that after everything that has transpired, my sister and parents understand that I want nothing to do with them ever again.